Leave it to us, man. We will go to Washington and get swept, like, every single time. You don't have to be Nostradamus to predict that:

1. The Cubs won't hit shit out of cavernous RFK. Hell, we couldn't hit dingers out of a little-league park if we were swinging off of tees.
2. Sean Marshall will continue to be the Job of MLB pitching, constantly maligned by some invisible baseball deity (read: Dusty Baker). Someone put this kid out to pasture, or trade him to the Dominican league for Randall Simon and a quart of rum.
3. Contract year or no (isn't it every year?), we will make this man look like the second coming of Ted Williams:



















But I guess this is what we've come to expect from a team that thinks the way to plug the hole in the proverbial dam is to sign Phil Nevin. Also, Baker is swallowing crazy pills en masse--where's Walker and Murton? Perez still rocking second? Madness.

Anyone got a line on how to find this guy?